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~snoogins~


September 4th, 2006

Stop. It's too late. I'm feeling frustrated. @ 07:48 pm

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: Make you feel better.

Just when I thought things were smoothing out for a while and I was going to be able to focus on school, my life went haywire. I thought my life was on an actual slow upgrade. As the saying goes.."Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans". 100% true. I was just getting stoked for bartending school, finally, after all of this slack off time. The morning I started my mom barged in my bedroom door at 6am and yells out, "Wake up! Your dad got in an accident, and we need to go to the hospital!". I was freaked out! It sounded like his last minutes were the minutes passing as we spoke. Long story short..he was working really late at Home Depot (his retirement job), and fell off of a ladder. He smacked his head REALLY hard. He was rushed to the hospital and ended up having major head trauma. It's been a week since this happened. I've visited him a couple of times, the last time I saw him was the hardest. I KNEW he saw me and heard me talking to him. I KNEW it! And I still have faith that he knows where he is and that everything is going to be okay. Today I got the news that he had a delayed contusion that is just now surfacing. He had to go into another surgery to remove a blood clot. He's not allowed any visitors for the next couple days. This is so difficult for me. Just a few days prior to his accident I was driving to Mike's thinking, "Wow, I really need to hang out with my dad...What's it going to be like when I can't see him at my own convenience anymore because he's gone?" I thought hard about it too. This is insane. Not to mention my relationship with Mike has really been taking a toll on me. We're both trying soo hard, but lately I've caught him in a couple of old lies (which, I've never caught him in a lie before) this opens new doors. His stories really haven't been making any sense lately. I'm really just beginning to give up. I feel like I am trying as hard as I can. If one more stressful thing happens between Mike and I in the next month I am just going to have to give up on him for awhile. I have much greater things to worry about, like the health of my dad. I have 100% faith, I know he's going to make it. I had doubts when this just happened, but seeing him the last time I know he's going to make it. Even after this last surgery. It's going to be a long hard road, and a big trial for the entire family. When I was with him on Saturday I talked to him, I know he saw me, I saw him trying to say something to me, I watched his blood pressure rise when I talked to him. I know he's okay deep inside, I KNOW! I told him everything was going to be okay, that he fell off of a ladder and he hurt his head. I told him the whole family was there everyday to see him, I promised him I would come as much as I could to come see him. I kissed his forehead and I saw his eyes tear up. I wiped a tear from his cheek. I know he can comprehend. He is so strong willed he will make it through this. If he made it through Leuchemia then he can surely make it through this. I feel like my whole life is crashing, like my mind, my body, everything is crashing. Like a computer. I feel so numb. I hope that the next time I write in this journal it's good news...this is the most difficult time of my life.





So far.
 
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~snoogins~